


Foodfight AU

by shrek



Category: Foodfight - Fandom, Foodfight!, food fight - Fandom
Genre: AU, F/F, F/M, Foodfight AU, M/M, Multi, foodfight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 00:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1724252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrek/pseuds/shrek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sort of an alternate version of foodfight. includes multiple deaths and revivals, ghosts, nuclear explosion, romantic drama, and more. The secret's inside..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foodfight AU

It was a normal day in the supermarket where Dex Dogtective resided. His partner, Daredevil Dan, had crashed his plane several times that day and it was only noon. Dex Dogtective was waiting in an outdoor cafe for Daredevil Dan. They had a lunch date. Dex heard a loud crash, and saw an explosion in the distance. _Dan!_ he thought. Dex gasped aloud and muttered "I told him not to fly here.."

A woman approached Dex. She appeared to be some sort of cat-human hybrid. She introduced herself as _Sunshine Goodness_. An interesting name, Dex thought.   
"Dex Dogtective, is it? I'm sorry to be the barer of bad news, but" Sunshine was interrupted by Dex. 

"Look, if it's about Dan, it's alright. He always crashes, and he always emerges safely. I don't know how the little guy does it!" he said with a smile. 

Sunshine was charmed, but she had some morbid news to share. "No, not this time, I'm afraid. Your friend, Dan... He didn't make it." 

Dex was aghast. He pushed his plate away from himself. "I just lost my appetite!" he exclaimed. "Garcon! I'm going to need a glass of your best milk over here!" 

Sunshine put her hand on Dex's shoulder to comfort him. "I'm sorry." she told him. 

Dex asked her to join him and she did. Hours passed by, and they found they had a lot in common. Dex had almost completely forgotten about Daredevil Dan. The waiter came over to their table to ask them to leave. 

Sunshine Goodness giggled. "Sorry, we were just leaving." 

The waiter was far from amused. "No, you weren't, but you are now. Bye!" 

Dex Dogtective and Sunshine Goodness left the cafe in each others arms. 

The two walked all the way to Sunshine's house. Dex smiled at Sunshine. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. "Will I see you again?" he asked her. 

"...Maybe!" she said. Dex raised an eyebrow. "I'm kidding, silly! Of course. We're friends, now, aren't we?" 

Dex looked at her. "Yeah, yes we are." 

The moment was interrupted by the Brand X Lunchlady. Lunchlady opened their front door. "WHAT YA DOIN WITH ME SUNSHINE?" she yelled. 

Dex said "Oh, nothing. I was just saying goodbye." Lunchlady growled at Dex Dogtective, and he was kind of afraid. 

Sunshine kissed Lunchlady on the lips. "It's fine, baby. You know I would never cheat on you." 

Dex was shocked. Beyond shocked. Appalled. Jealous. "So, see you around some time." he said and left as quickly as he could.   
 _Darn_ , Dex thought, _Sunshine is so beautiful, kind, funny, and she helped me forget about Dan. Oh, Dan. That silly little Daredevil..._ A man shouted "Hey! Watch where you're going!" as Dex nearly bumped into him on the sidewalk, which snapped Dex out of his thoughts and back to reality. "Sorry.." he said, long after he'd passed the man. 

\------

Weeks had passed, and Dex Dogtective found himself at the Copabanana club. He headed towards the bar for a tall glass of milk, but something he saw stopped him. He could have sworn he saw Daredevil Dan, but that wasn't possible! He walked towards the bar anyway. 

"Oh boy" Daredevil Dan said to the gay Vampire man he was with. "Hide me." 

Gay Vampire Man spoke loudly and flamboyantly. "What? Oh, you mean Dex Dogtective over there? Oh, you want to hide from him. Hey, Dex! Don't look over here. Nothing to see. Cover your eyes." 

Dex walked over to Dan. "I thought that you were dead!" he said to his former love. 

"Look, Dex.. I just didn't know how to tell you, alright?" he replied. 

Before the conversation could progress any further, the Brand X Lunchlady smacked Dex with her trademark ham, rendering him unconscious. 

\----

Dex Dogtective awoke to the sight of Mr. Clipboard. 

"SOMEBODY ORDERED A RECALLLLLllllll!!!" Mr. Clipboard yelled to Dex. Dex Dogtective gulped.

\-----

"Reveal ya secret!" Brand X Lunchlady yelled to Dex. 

Dex Dogtective replied the only way he could: "The secret's... _inside!"_  

Brand X Lunchlady was flummoxed and Mr. Clipboard was so irritated by this answer that he threw Dex Dogtective into the dryer. 

Dex Dogtective died. 

\------

Dex Dogtective's ghost came back to haunt everyone in the town. His ghost couldn't speak English, however, it can only bark. 

One day, Daredevil Dan is flying his plane as usual, when he sees the apparition of Dex Dogtective! He is so shocked by this image that he accidentally crashes his plane into the nuclear power plant and destroys the entire Foodfight™ town. 

\--------

The next day, the grocery store owner enters his store only to find the remnants of the Foodfight™ Ikes town. However, he completely ignores that, because he sees a smashed bag of potato chips nearby. Hysterically, he gets down on his knees and cries. "A perfectly good bag of chips ruined!! They were never opened, never enjoyed!" He spent the rest of the day mourning that bag of chips, until Mr. Clipboard stomped his way into the store. 

"This is my store now," Mr. Clipboard said in a civilized voice as he showed the former store owner the deed to the land on which the store was located. The now-former store owner was too busy crying about the bag of chips to notice. 

Suddenly the ghosts of all the “ikes” from foodfight™ town formed a tornado around mr. clipboard and took him out of the building. unfortunately, they destroyed all the bags of chips in the process. the former grocery store owner was upset beyond belief. RIP bags of chips which were never opened or enjoyed. 

\-----

Days had passed, and the grocery store owner had not moved from his spot. So many destroyed bags of chips.. He was traumatized for the rest of his short life. 

Mr. Clipboard entered the store. "Surprise, bitch. I'm back." he stumbled his way over towards the grocery store owner...but something was peculiar about him. 

"What the..?" Not even Mr. Clipboard had been prepared for this. The grocery store owner had morphed into some sort of deformed bag-of-potato-chips/human hybrid. Mr. Clipboard was horrified, but also hungry. He opened the bag of chips that the former store owner had become, and ate one. Mr. Clipboard immediately began to choke and died. The grocery store owner chip-man laughed as the store spontaneously combusted. As the store burned down, all the souls of the former-foodfight-ikes were transferred into human bodies. It was time for them to assimilate into the real world. Perhaps they'd all have a happy ending, after all. 


End file.
